WHEN WILL HEALING COME TO PASS?

 

Babae: Pinangako mo sa ‘kin ang lahat. Ngunit, ang pag-uwi lang ng maaga ay hindi mo matupad.

Lalaki: Oh, ayan ka na naman sa drama mo.

Babae: Aminin mo na nagbago ka na. Dati nilalambing mo ‘ko, kinakarinyo, sinusuyo.

Lalaki: Eh, dati.

Babae: Ngayon.

Lalaki: Eh, pa’no naman akong gaganahan, eh, puro ka na lang dada d’yan.

Babae: Ngayon. Hu, hu, hu.

Lalaki: Tumigil ka, tumigil ka na d’yan sabi eh. ‘Etong, um.

Babae: Walang hiya ka, taksil!

Lalaki: Tumahimik ka d’yan.

Babae: Pinabayaan mo ako dito.

Lalaki: Tumahimik ka! Ayaw mo talagang tumigil, ha.

Babae: Walang hiya ka!

Lalaki: Baka gusto mong…

Babae: Walang hiya ka talaga.

Lalaki: Aba!

Babae: Bayaran mo na utang mo.

Lalaki: Binaon pa ngayon.

Babae: ‘Wag mong kainin ‘to.

(Intro narration from APO’s song “Huwag Masanay Sa Pagmamahal”)

CONFLICT IS INEVITABLE AND NECESSARY

A conflict is in full view. Not so obvious are these twin realities about conflict: it is inevitable and necessary.

Conflict is inevitable. Christine Carter, in her article “Conflict: It’s a Good Thing” said that between children, conflict “is like the air they breathe.” She added that “research shows that playing kids experience about one conflict every three minutes.” Martin H. Padovani in his book “Healing Wounded Relationships” wrote, “Conflict is a creative aspect of any relationship. In the book of Genesis, God created an orderly universe out of a mass of confusion, the sort of confusion that often accompanies conflict.”

Conflict is necessary. Padovani expounded, “Conflict is absolutely necessary in order that people can establish boundaries, maintain their identities, know one another, clarify perceptions and issues, resolve problems, and be able to move on with their lives.”  Further, he clarified, “Conflict breaks down the walls separating us, dislodges the logjams that keep us stuck, and opens the avenues of communication.”

CONFLICT RESOLUTION: THREE STEPS

At the disintegrating stage of the human relationship, to get back on its feet, it needs a great deal of healing broken down in three steps:

1. Communicate

For the crux of the communication problem today, this old-fashioned poem by Lois Wyse would hit the nail on its head.

You don’t laugh with me

I don’t laugh with you

All the wit comes pouring out of the tube.

And we laugh at it together.

The more we avoid talking

The more passive the relationship becomes.

Television permits us to walk through life

With minor speaking parts.

And the more we fail to speak,

The more difficult speaking becomes.

That was back in the day of television filling the room. Worse, today, it’s the personal mobile phone magnetizing an individual’s attention. Communication 101 step 1: Put that phone away.

2. Listen

Instead of saying “Tumigil ka,” how about “Tigil mo na ako”? Then, I’d ask myself, “Bakit nasabi nyang walang hiya ako?”

One profound line from The Prayer of Saint Francis: “O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek…To be understood as to understand.”

It is not: “You open up your mind for me.” It must be: “I’ll open up my mind for you.” It is not: “Did you get me?” It must be: “Did I get you?” It is not: “Here’s what I’m trying to say to you.” It must be: “Here’s what you’re trying to say to me.”

“Empathy is seeing with the eyes of another, listening with the ears of another, and feeling with the heart of another.” (Alfred Adler, medical doctor, and psychotherapist)

3. Adopt a win-win solution

People sit across the dinner table from one another with their arms tied to spoons so long that they can’t feed themselves: they have to feed each other -- an apt analogy for a bundle of life’s meaningful endeavors.

The fourth habit in Dr. Stephen Covey’s book “Seven Basic Habits of Highly Effective People” is “Think Win-Win.” It “means wanting other people to win as well as yourself. It flows from the Abundance Mentality: the premise that there is enough for everyone – one person’s winning doesn’t mean someone else has to lose. It gives everyone what they want and unites people in helpful and supportive ways.”

TROLL ARMY

So far so good in our train of thought. But, there’s the rub: the presence of these actors on one side – “friends” – which can stand in the way of the healing process.

Friends would tip off Lalaki:

Ibang-iba ang buhay mo kapag nag-iisa

Walang inaasikasong problema ng iba

Kaya kung nag-aalinlangang magmahal

Ang payo ko sa ‘yo ay huwag na lang

Let’s take the Book of Job as an example. Suffering Job needed comfort and support from his friends. Arrogant and insensitive, his friends instead picked apart his suffering and turned it inside out in searching for answers. They only made the “healing” process worse for Job. God ultimately rebuked them.

In our political context today, the monkey wrench in the works that is dreadfully worse than the “friends” illustrated above -- BBM’s troll army – stands in the way of the healing process.

“No pro-Marcos trolls? Fil-Am group says it found around 100 on Facebook.” (ABS-CBN May 04, 2022, news headline)

“A group of Filipino-Americans is urging Facebook to take down a network of “trolls” who they said is at the forefront of widespread disinformation in relation to the 2022 Philippine elections. ‘A lot of our countrymen are being brainwashed. They have become victims of these needless lies,’ lawyer Loida Lewis, national chair of US Filipinos for Good Governance (USFGG), said in a forum…”

BBM on Twitter:

“…Wala tayong makuha sa Channel 7, wala tayong makuha sa Inquirer, wala tayong makuha sa PhilsTar, binabanat-banatan kami ng Rappler.

“Eh sabi ko, the only option that we have is social media. Kaya doon kami nag-concentrate. Kaya nag-hire ako ng libu-libong troll army.”

            “Trolls still targeting Robredo past election” (Inquirer headline, May 16, 2022)

Presumptive VP Sara Duterte urged her supporters to be humble and be the ones to approach supporters of other candidates first. Also, she formally sought an initial meeting with VP Leni Robredo for a smooth transition of power who responded by congratulating the latter and adding that the VP was ready to sit down and talk about a smooth transition.

Has the healing process taken place? I don’t think so. Not until BBM’s fierce troll army is taken out from the face of the Philippine political landscape will the healing occur.

“Comelec to push for law vs. use of socmed trolls during campaign period” (Manila Bulletin news headline, May 30, 2022)

Reminds me of a street bully who announced to the other kids: “Masama ‘yong ginawa ko ha. Pagkatapos ko, wala ng ibang gagawa nun.”

Farcical, it is befitting to wrap this article up with a whimsical truism.

“A good laugh heals a lot of hurts.” (Madeleine L’Engle, writer)